Thoughts

Dearest FoMmies,

Mom is sleeping more and eating less, but she does not appear to be in any major pain.  Most importantly, Mom appears to be at peace, which is a great comfort to Michelle and me.

Michelle and I have been spending most of our time with Mom, including nights.  It's very difficult to see Mom in her current state, but at the same time she looks positively angelic.  And despite feeling very tense these days, seeing Mom sleeping fills my soul with a sense of tranquility.  I suppose that holding opposite thoughts simultaneously are par for the course these days.  I cherish every moment with my Mother and want her to be with us as long as possible, while at the same time, I am hoping that she goes swiftly and harmoniously.  I'm trying to take solace in knowing that quality of life has always been more important than quantity of life to Mom.

Still, it's the hardest thing I've ever faced.

Michelle and I ask that you say prayers for Mom, so that she may have a peaceful transition.

Much love to all.

Faithfully,

Corey

P.S.

We have a Filipino caretaker named Aloma who is helping us these days.  Aloma is great with Mom and is extremely nurturing, just like Mom.  Yesterday Aloma asked Michelle, "is your Mom Asian?"  Michelle, a bit confused, replied "no, we're not Asian, we're white."  Aloma responded, "oh, you Mom is so beautiful, I thought she was Chinese."

Well, I certainly agree that Mom is beautiful, but those of you who know me will understand why this exchange tickled me on several levels.

A Dinner Party

To all the FoMmies out there, I send you greetings...

Mom has been sleeping a lot lately.  Her appetite has waned a bit, but she managed to eat a bit yesterday.  Cheerios with banana remains her favorite breakfast meal and she has very small snacks at other times.  However, last night we decided to shake things up a bit and decided to host a dinner party.

The party was a small, dignified affair.  In attendance were Russell (Mom's BFF), Michelle (who has been promoted to 1B), YFC and the guest of honor was none other than Mom herself.  It's been a while since we all sat down to a nice meal together, so the party was a welcome respite to the hectic pace that we've been keeping.  

The soiree was held in Mom's bedroom, which was tastefully decorated for the occasion.  The attendees all wore their Sunday's finest (actually, I suppose that term isn't really apropos, but you get the gist of it) and dined on a meal consisting of braised short ribs with vegetables in a tomato reduction sauce (a YFC specialty) and spinach sauteed with garlic and lemon.  The wine was a 2000 Napa Valley Silver Oak (courtesy of Uncle Rusty's cellar), which proved a lovely pairing with the richly flavored beef.  Mom was rather entertained and it will come as no surprise to those that know her that she reveled in being the center of attention.

Of course, Mom deserves nothing less.

The stream of well-wishers continues, though the pattern has changed just a bit as more people are coming in the early evening (post-work) hours.  A little birdie told me that some of the folks who came by from out of town will be making a return appearance next weekend.  It's hard to say enough good things about our friends and family -- they've truly been heaven sent.

Michelle and I are praying that Mom has a peaceful transition (Dr. Mellott said that Mom would most likely go in her sleep and without pain).  This has obviously been incredibly difficult, but we know that Mom loved us more than anything and that she will forever remain in our hearts.

Much love to all...

Faithfully,

Corey

A Busy Weekend

Greetings to the FoMmie Nation,

Last weekend was, well, busy.  Of course, the weekend only ended a few hours ago, but concepts such as time and sleep seem pretty foreign these days.  Actually, that's not entirely true, Mom has been sleeping fairly comfortably, especially yesterday.  I imagine that she probably slept for 22 hours yesterday, though she did wake-up to have short visits with the many people who came by the house to say hello.

And I suppose that's where the busy comes in -- Mom has had so many people stopping by that, at times, it's seemed a lot like Grand Central Station around here.  Still, it's been far more manageable than it was at the hospital.  It's really heartwarming to see so many people stopping by because they love Mom so much.  And even though she lacks physical strength, Mom still manages to give a smile and a kiss to all those who have come to visit.

There were a lot of tears shed over the weekend and we said goodbye to the many people who came from out-of-town to spend time with Mom and to provide help to all of us.  Our family and friends have done so much; we truly could not have survived without them.

It's strange being in a quiet house right now.  It doesn't seem quite right, but then again, this entire journey has often seemed surreal.  Still, Mom is resting comfortably now and I know that, before long, another stream of people will come through the doors to her house.  It's readily apparent that Mom has had a great impact on so many people of all different backgrounds.  I've always loved and respected Mom, but I've never been more proud to be her son.

Please keep Mom in your prayers.

Much love to all...

Faithfully,

Corey

Mom at Home

Dearest FoMmies,

Mom has been at home for a little over two days now.  She is doing a bit better in familiar environs, though it took her a bit to fully process the change.  Mom has had many visitors, though it's far more manageable here than it was at the hospital because we can close off the door to her room and people can mingle in the living room area.  Mom has 24/7 care right now -- an aide who can help her get comfortable and look after many of her needs.  We've also been visited by nurses that are provided by the hospice and they have been very helpful too.  Of course, Michelle and I also help look after Mom and we are concentrating our efforts on ensuring that she is as comfortable as possible.  

I would be remiss if I didn't mention a few people by name.  Ting, Michelle's best friend, has been like a second daughter to Mom.  She has been incredibly helpful around the house and helping with Mom's care.  Ting's daughter Zoe has brought Mom great joy.  Michelle is Zoe's Godmother and she knows Mom as Shanti, her Fairy Godmother.  Ting's extended family visited Mom in the hospital too -- the Lien's are very special people.

Kim had been a blessing for me.  She has attended to my needs before I even knew that I had needs.  She's also been great with Mom.  Just tonight, she and her husband Nathan made a special trip to Chinatown to get Mom the bulgogi (Korean meat) that she was craving -- no mean feat either, when dealing with July 4th traffic.  Mom really enjoyed the bulgogi, which just goes to show that, even in times of difficulty, the Pawlow appetite will not fail.

Many others have helped too:  Margot, Maria and Wendy from Florida: John, who made 2 trips from Phoenix in a span of less than a week, and Anna Claudia, who changes her name as frequently as some people change their socks.  There have been literally scores of people who have been helping out -- it's really been a fantastic thing to witness.

And I suppose that's one of the silver linings to this whole ordeal, that so many people have come together to show their love for Mom and to be there for our family.  It's really been quite tremendous to see so many people showering us with so much love and affection.  We are truly blessed.

I will try to send another update soon.  On behalf of Mom and our entire family, we thank you for your kindness and your prayers.

Until next time...

Faithfully,

Corey

A Very Big Day

Greetings FoMmies,

Once again, the title of the posting should give you a clue -- today is a VERY BIG DAY.

Mom had a Pleurx Catheter inserted in her belly.  The catheter is essentially a tube that allows Mom to remove the liquid that's been collecting on her belly without going to the hospital.  The procedure itself was relatively quick and painless.  Moreover, Yours Truly learned how to do the draining, so in case I need to step in there won't be any problem.  But though the catheter is a big deal, it's still not the REALLY BIG NEWS.

The big news is that MOM CAME HOME TODAY!  She is in a home hospice program that is focused on making her comfortable.  We set-up her bedroom with a hospital bed and an oxygen machine so that Mom could be cared for at home.  Still,  getting her home was not an altogether easy feat and many people helped to make the transition.  Special thanks to Kim, John, Margot, Maria, Ting, Honey and Uncle Phil for helping with the process.

I understand that many of you will want to call and/or visit Mom.  If possible, please e-mail before you come by so that we can limit the number of visitors who show-up at any given time.  Also, in general try to keep your visits upbeat, as we'd like for Mom to have as many happy moments as possible.  Finally, please be mindful that Mom is not doing well; accordingly, we are trying to limit visits to 20 minutes each with no more than 2 visitors in Mom's room at any given time.

Thank you for your understanding, your support, and most importantly, for your prayers.

Be well...

Faithfully,

Corey

Is it July Already? -- An Update

Greetings FoMmies,

I regret to inform you that we've had a few setbacks.

We thought that Mom would be home by now, but that hasn't happened.  When Mom was admitted, she was told that she'd probably by in for "a couple of days."  On Thursday they were ready to discharge her, but that didn't happen.  They also told her she'd be going home Friday, Saturday and Sunday.  Needless to say, she was getting pretty antsy to leave the hospital.

Yesterday, after being disappointed (again) about the fact that she wasn't going home, I started to work with the medical team to attempt to arrange a transfer to Prentice Women's Hospital, a considerably nicer facility.  This process started at approximately 7:00 a.m. and we probably consulted about a half-a-dozen doctors and an equal number of nurses/social workers/others.  At 5:00 p.m. we were told that 3 beds opened up, that she was #1 on the list and that we were just waiting for the rooms to be cleaned.  I offered to clean the rooms myself -- after all, Mom was asking me when the transfer was going to go through approximately every 30 minutes or so.  They didn't take me up on my offer and around 9:00 p.m. Mom was told that there would be no more transfers for the evening.

Suffice it to say, Mom was not pleased.  Mom rightly felt that she had been lied to.  However, we continued to work at getting a transfer and at 9:40 p.m., we got the good news -- Mom was going to get a room at Prentice.  I hugged the nurse and the doctor who relayed the information (and would have kissed them both, but thought better of it) and we went to tell Mom, who expressed a great deal of relief.  Just after 10:15 p.m., they came to transport Mom to her new room and she, and her entourage of 7, were on our way.

The new room at Prentice is significantly nicer, but Mom wants to go home.  She will have a tube inserted in her belly so that she can drain the fluid that's been collecting without having to go to the hospital.  We hope that she'll be able to be discharged tomorrow.  However, we're not really sure whether we'll be able to care for her at home, even if we get the assistance of a full-time (24/7) home healthcare aide.  All the same, a hospital bed will be delivered to Mom's home in just a few minutes.  We want to be ready, no matter the direction we choose to go.

As you might well imagine, we are running on fumes here, but we have more support that can be imagined.  Mom's friends have come from far and wide (WI, OH, IN, AZ, NV, FL, etc.) and they have been tremendous in providing us with help and moral support.  

Special thanks to the FoMmie Nation for all of your support and prayers that you have provided to us.  Please keep Mom in your prayers and know that she loves all of you so very much.  As much as this is a difficult time for our family, we take solace in knowing that Mom has so many people that care for her so much.  We are humbled by your outpouring of love and affection.

Be well...

Faithfully,

Corey

Is It Friday Already?

Hey kiddies...

So I'm here at the hospital with Mom (she's asleep now).  Here's the latest...

Yesterday was a pretty crazy day...my sincerest apologies for the failure to provide an update.  We were led to believe that Mom was going home yesterday and Michelle (that's 1.5's real name, in case you didn't know) and I got caught up trying to coordinate such things as home health care, oxygen delivery, out of town visitors, etc.  It's mostly squared away now.  Mom also had another draining and she only was able to give up 2 Big Gulps (or 1 Double Big Gulp) worth of fluid.  That's a good thing really, because it means that there's less fluid collecting on her belly.

Mom will be having a CT scan of her abdomen soon because her white blood counts are a bit elevated.  They switched Mom's antibiotics medicine to see if that will help get her numbers down.  Also, an infectious disease doctor will be stopping by to do a quick consult to see if we can get to the bottom of the white blood cell mystery.

Unfortunately, it looks like Mom will be here at least another day, pending results of her CT scan and her blood tests.  I'll try to provide another update soon.  Mom is definitely a lot more lucid than when she first got here, but she remains a bit weak.  However, she's not in any real pain, just some discomfort.

And speaking of comfort (well, technically I was speaking of discomfort, but I'm sleep deprived too, so grant me a little leeway), the many prayers said and candles lit have provided a great deal of comfort to Mom and to our family.  Mom has been inundated with an outpouring of love that has taken many forms: a call and special blessings from Mom's guru Goswami Kriyananda (it GREATLY brightened Mom's spirits), flowers sent (special thanks to Lisa and Kim), food deliveries (too numerous to list), hospital visits (like a zillion of 'em), calls & e-mails (apologies because Mom/I can't respond quickly enough) and of course your many, many prayers.  Please keep praying and Mom will do her part by fighting the good fight.

Mom sends much love to all...*

Faithfully,

Corey

* - I'm cranky, so I'm only sending a bit of love...deal with it

A Particularly Specific Request

Hi there campers,

Ok, things are a bit better than yesterday but Mom is not out of the woods yet.  We saw Doctor Mellott this morning, in addition to the resident that's monitoring her case at the hospital. Here's what we know:

• Mom is getting a chest x-ray today, mostly as a precautionary measure (she's actually there now). 
• Mom should be seeing a physical therapist today.  The PT should help Mom, especially with her walking.  Mom has been pretty much confined to her room since she's been admitted, so this will be excellent.
• Mom's potassium levels, which had been elevated, are now ok.
• Mom's sodium levels are better too.
• Mom's white blood cells are elevated (25,000) BUT the doctors are not worried because she is not running a fever.
• Mom's hemoglobin is 11.3 -- good numbers.
• Platelets are at 124 (I'm 99% sure this means 124,000 per mm3 of blood).  This is a bit higher than a previous test, so that's good too.
• Mom's bilirubin has dropped from 4.0 - 3.5.

Now here's where that particularly specific request comes in.  Please say a prayer/a novena/a mantra/light a candle -- or better yet, all 4 -- for Mom's Billy Rubin...err bilirubin...to drop to 2.5 (or lower).  At this level she should be able to resume chemotherapy and get back on the road to wellness.

So when you think of it, Mom's already 1/3 of the way there (for the less mathematically inclined among you, Mom's bilirubin levels would ideally drop from 4.0 --> 2.5...a total of 1.5.  She's already dropped by .5 in the short time that she's been here...if you can't figure out the rest, just start your prayers).  So do your bit will ya?

Well, what are you waiting for?  Stop reading and start praying, ok?

Faithfully,

Corey

PS

Why are you reading a PS?  Just PRAY!

Tuesday Morning Update

Dear FoMmies,

A quick update from Mom's hospital room...

As you know, Mom was admitted to the hospital yesterday evening.  She's had some blood tests (Mom's potassium level has dropped a bit -- which is a good thing because it was too high -- though her saline is still a bit low), a brain scan (no problems) and is having an ultrasound as we speak (they are going to get a good look at the liver).  Later today, Mom will have another ultrasound, which will allow the doctors to locate the fluid that has been collecting on her belly.  Then they will draw a small amount of liquid and test it, to see if there's anything irregular.

Mom's been given some medicine (lactulose) that encourages her to move her bowels because that will help to flush the toxins that have been building inside her.  As Mom's toxins decrease, she should have increased lucidity (thus I find myself "rooting" for Mom to go #2...what a strange position for a son to be in).   

Already I can tell that Mom appears stronger and somewhat more lucid than she was yesterday.  Her appetite is a bit better too.  By no means is Mom all the way back to normal, but she is definitely making progress.  Mom didn't sleep all that well (it's kind of hard when you're in an uncomfortable bed, hooked-up to a slow saline drip, with nurses that come in every 4 hours to take your blood pressure) and I am sure that when she gets some additional rest (and makes some additional BMs) her lucidity and strength will continue to increase.

Please keep praying for Mom's recovery.  It is the single greatest gift that you could give Mom and our family.  I will update you as soon as more information becomes available.

Be strong...

Faithfully,

Corey

It's Corey again.  Here's the latest...

Mom had a paracentesis (draining procedure) again today.  After giving up about 3 Big Gulps worth, we went to see Mom's oncologist.

Dr. Mellott said that Mom's liver was failing.  At this point, we do not know whether Mom can "bounce back."  Mom will be admitted to the hospital fairly soon (we were waiting for a room to come open as this e-mail is being composed -- update: Mom was admitted to Northwestern, Feinberg Pavillion).

Please keep Mom in your prayers.

Faithfully,

Corey