Eulogies

Michelle and I would like to thank the many people who attended Mom's funeral (the room was standing room only, which was a tribute to the many people that Mom touched) and the shivah last week. It was a beautiful service for a beautiful woman.

Mom deserved nothing less.

Michelle and I were asked by several people to post our eulogies online...


Michelle's Eulogy:

Baruch Hashem. Bless G-d.

Oh great spirit, saints and sages of all religions, holy Kriya lineage, please bless Sharon, my Mom, today.

Please fill her with love, peace and happiness. Please bring to her that which she needs. And that which she feels she needs. Surely, swiftly and most, most harmoniously. May her transition be a journey of ease. May she be blessed. May she be blessed. May she be triply blessed - As she has been a blessing to others.

Aum tat sa ohm.

My Mother is light and beauty. Of pure love, of pure heart, of pure spirit. I am the luckiest daughter. To be selfish, I would wish for more time with my Mother. But I know in my heart that she will always be with me, with all of us.

She touched all of you in a different way, but you all know her love, and for that, we are truly blessed.

I love you, Mommy. Be at peace.


Corey's Eulogy:

"One sees clearly only with the heart, the essential is invisible to the eyes." That quote, from the Little Prince, in many ways encapsulates how Mom lived her life -- with her heart. She didn’t see race or religion or national origin. She didn’t care about gender or sexual orientation or social status. Mom cared about people. All people.

And when Mom was with people, she had a way of making everyone feel special. She accepted people for how they were, and saw the potential for who they could be --- usually before they could see it in themselves. Mom just had a natural ease around people and she intuitively knew what they needed. Our former neighbor John told me a story that, shortly after Mom moved to her apartment on Lake Shore Drive, he went for a visit. Though he didn’t say anything, Mom could tell that he was just a bit uncomfortable. Mom said, “I know what you need” and excused herself to the other room, only to return in a robe, thereby putting John at ease. Mom wasn’t about appearances.

Her grace was effortless because it was innate. Mom used to tell Michelle and me that, “no act of kindness is ever wasted.” It’s a beautiful sentiment, and it’s one that Mom lived everyday. Michelle and Mom used to buy make-up together and one day they heard that the girl that used to help them was in the hospital. She asked if the girl had any family with her and when she was told no, she took Michelle to the hospital because she didn’t want the girl to be alone. As it turned out the girls her mother was there and she asked Mom why she had come. Because, my Mom explained, as a mother, I’d want somebody to do the same for my child. As fate would have it, the girl – Betsy – and her Mom – Mary – would later become Mom’s neighbors and friends. Mom gave without thinking because it was the right thing to do. And she didn’t know how to be any other way.

I received so many wonderful gifts from my Mom – my love of reading (the Little Prince was one of our favorite books), my love of whimsy, and my sense of humor (sorry Dad). I remember one time, when I was just a young boy and we were still living in Florida; my tooth fell out but I didn’t tell anyone. I placed it under my pillow and was extremely disappointed that the tooth fairy hadn’t arrived. I told my Mom the next morning and, without a moment’s hesitation she reached into her purse and pulled out a piece of paper. I was told that it was a note from the Tooth Fairy that read the following “Dear Mrs. Novick, I had some difficulty getting into Corey’s room last night. Please give him the enclosed dollar bill. Signed – The Tooth Fairy.”

Mom loved to travel and she took Michelle and me on trips across the globe. One of my favorite memories from our travels was from a trip to New York. We had taken some breadsticks with us so we could have a snack as we walked around the city. Michele was surprised to see Mom eating the breadsticks shortly after we started walking.

“Mom” she exclaimed, “are you eating your breadsticks already?”

“No” Mom replied. “I’m eating yours.”

Michelle and I were so lucky to have our Mom for a Mother. She showed us how to deal with adversity. Mom had many ailments in her life and when she was a teenager she had cancer of the thyroid and the parathyroid. When she worried that an operation would leave a scar, my Bubby told her that she had to be strong and Mom never complained after that. And later when Mom was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, she again refused to complain. Instead she said Baruch hashem. Bless G-d. She was more than a Mother; she was also a role model.

But perhaps most of all, Mom was our friend. Mom would always be there to listen and to laugh, to give advice without judgment and to encourage us. She would support us in whatever we attempted and we knew that regardless of the outcome, Mom would be proud of us just for trying.

Michelle and I were Mom’s pride and joy, but by no means were we her only children. She became a second mother to many of our friends. Often times they’d call Mom or want to spend time with her even when we weren’t around because they loved her too. When Michelle’s best friend Ting gave birth to her daughter Zoe, Mom was in the delivery room. Zoe called Mom “Shanti” which means peace in Sanskrit. And when Michelle was named Zoe’s godmother, Mom became Zoe’s fairy Godmother. And Mom loved her very much.

When she was working at Arrington travel, Mom’s co-workers made a plaque for her that said “Mother Novick” because our Mom was always the person that people could turn to when they needed a sympathetic ear. Or a shoulder to cry on. Or just a hug.

Our Mom was a mother to so many people and her friends were like an extended family. As everybody knows, families spend holidays together and Mom would use such occasions to open her house to her friends, some of whom had no other place to go. And if they had friends, well, they’d be welcome too. And invariably, they too would fall under Mom’s spell of warmth, and compassion, and grace.

When Mom realized that she had taken a turn for the worse, she didn’t worry about her own condition. Instead, she asked my friends to take care of her boy. That was Mom, selfless to the end.

When Mom was hospitalized it became stunningly clear that Mom had touched so many, so deeply. The visitors -- Mom’s extended family -- poured in from everywhere: Nevada, Wisconsin, Florida, Arizona, Ohio, Taipei and London. It became hard to keep track of everyone, as Mom’s visitors overflowed from her room and soon took over an entire waiting area as well.

One of the things that really struck me was that Mom’s visitors came from every walk of life. I was particularly moved when one of the doormen from Mom’s building came by to see her. He had changed into his street clothes and sat by Mom’s bedside. He held her hand. And she held his. And he kissed her hand. And Mom kissed his back. A waitress from the restaurant in Mom’s building came to visit on her off day and cried at Mom’s bedside. Mom’s impact on people was very deep and everlasting.

I was always close with my Mom, but when she got diagnosed with cancer, we became that much closer. We worked together on a blog called the chemo chronicle. And when I was a bit late in putting up a posting, she’s ask if I’d written her blog yet. Although I didn’t even realize it at the time, even as we were posting details of her battle with cancer, she was still mothering me, helping to re-ignite my love of writing, which had been dormant for so long. Even in her time of sickness Mom was still trying to help me and to guide me.

Though the past 14 months were incredibly difficult, they were in many ways the best time of my life because I was able to spend so much time with Mom – going to chemo and doctors appointments, working on the blog, having dinner, running errands. It wasn’t so much what we were doing, it was that we were doing it together. It was such a blessing to be with Mom and to be able to give back to her because she’d given so much to so many. And she was always thankful. And gracious. Because that’s the only way she knew how to be.

Mom died peacefully while Michelle and I were holding her in our arms. At the time of her passing, it seemed like the world was coming to an end. And at that time I wish it had. But we’ve received so much support from those who loved Mom and from those who love us – from Mom’s family, biological and extended alike -- I know that, although we're going to miss Mom dearly, we're eventually going to be ok.

There’s another passage from The Little Prince that I can almost hear Mom speaking to us now. It reads, "People have stars, but they aren't the same. For travelers, the stars are guides. For other people, they're nothing but tiny lights. And for still others, for scholars, they're problems. For my businessman, they were gold. But all those stars are silent stars. You, though, you'll have stars like nobody else.”

“When you look up at the sky at night, since I'll be living on one of them, since I'll be laughing on one of them, for you, it'll be as if all the stars are laughing. You'll have stars that can laugh!"

And she laughed.

“And when you're consoled (everyone is eventually consoled), you'll be glad you've known me. You'll always be my friend. You'll feel like laughing with me. And you'll open your windows sometimes just for the fun of it... And your friends will be amazed to see you laughing while you're looking up at the sky. Then you'll tell them, 'Yes, it's the stars. They always make me laugh!"

Though Mom’s body is no longer with us, we can take comfort in knowing that Mom will remain forever in our hearts. We are all better people for having known her, for having been touched by her, for loving her and for being loved by her. And when time goes by and you find yourself thinking about Mom, just remember to look up at the stars in the sky.

And laugh with her.

I love you Mommy.

Arrangements

Funeral:

July 15, 2008

12:00 p.m. (noon)

Weinstein Funeral Home

111 Skokie Boulevard

Wilmette, Illinois 60091

(847) 256-5700

Interment:

(immediately following the service)

Westlawn Cemetery

7801 W. Montrose Avenue

Norridge, Illinois 60706

(773) 625-8600

Shivah:

(July 15-17th)

4460 W. Hutchinson

Chicago, IL 60641

(773) 205-6030

Shivah

Shivah Call

In lieu of flowers, donations may be made to:

The Temple of Kriya Yoga
2414 N. Kedzie Boulevard
Chicago, IL 60647
(773) 342-4600

-or-

The Lustgarten Foundation for Pancreatic Research
To Donate Online

Transition

Dearest FoMmies,

This morning, just after sunrise, Mom peacefully transitioned.  Michelle and I were holding her at the time.

Mom was a beautiful, kind and gentle woman.  Her love knew no bounds. 

Our family will be forever grateful to those of you who have laughed, cried and been there for Mom, especially over the past 14 months.  We can never thank you enough.

Keep Mom in your prayers.  Baruch Hashem.

Faithfully,

Corey and Michelle

A Surprise Twist (You might want to get the Kleenex)

Good afternoon FoMmies,

Many of you know that Mom is an extremely spiritual person.  She's had her chart read many times and several things appeared repeatedly, including the fact that Michelle and I would each be happily married and Mom would re-marry.  When Mom was first diagnosed she said that she knew she'd beat cancer because she wasn't married yet.  She repeated this refrain many more times, most recently, during her stay at the hospital.  

Then, last night something magical happened.

Mom got re-married.

Perhaps it's necessary to take a step back for a moment.  Russell (Mom's BFF) and Mom used to talk about how they should have been married.  Then a few days ago, Russell was talking to Michelle and me and again said that Mom was the closest thing to a wife that he would ever have.  Then he asked Mom to marry him.  

And Mom smiled.

Last  night, Mom wed Russell underneath my Papa's (maternal grandfather) tallis (prayer shawl; see photo at left).  The gathering itself was small (in attendance were: Bubby, Berba, Carol, Michelle, me, and the bride and groom) but the impact was immense.  Michelle, who like Mom is an ordained swami, performed the service.  After the vows Mom and Russell sipped coconut milk mixed with honey to symbolize the fact that their union should always be sweet.  Then we feasted on wedding cake -- technically two wedding cakes, a carrot cake and a turtle pie -- a sweet end to a very sweet evening.

When I used to attend weddings with Mom, I'd often be caught mumbling "Mom!" under my breath because, inevitably, she'd cry during the ceremony.  Mom's spirit must have been with me, for last night it was yours truly who provided the waterworks.  I think that the wedding was especially important because I believe that Mom can now go in peace.

...

This afternoon the hospice nurse informed Michelle and me that Mom was actively dying.  She doesn't have much time, she's unlikely to make it through the weekend and can probably hold out a week at most.  Needless to say, this has been an incredibly emotional time, and we are especially thankful that so many wonderful people have been there to lend their support.  In fact, just moments ago, Mom's neighbor Nina volunteered her home for use by overnight guests.  Of course, this brings to mind the logistics of the coming days...

I will try to post the details of what's going to happen online.  It will probably be far easier than trying to call everyone, so please check your e-mail frequently over the coming week.

Please pray that Mom has a swift and painless transition.

Faithfully,

Corey

Thoughts

Dearest FoMmies,

Mom is sleeping more and eating less, but she does not appear to be in any major pain.  Most importantly, Mom appears to be at peace, which is a great comfort to Michelle and me.

Michelle and I have been spending most of our time with Mom, including nights.  It's very difficult to see Mom in her current state, but at the same time she looks positively angelic.  And despite feeling very tense these days, seeing Mom sleeping fills my soul with a sense of tranquility.  I suppose that holding opposite thoughts simultaneously are par for the course these days.  I cherish every moment with my Mother and want her to be with us as long as possible, while at the same time, I am hoping that she goes swiftly and harmoniously.  I'm trying to take solace in knowing that quality of life has always been more important than quantity of life to Mom.

Still, it's the hardest thing I've ever faced.

Michelle and I ask that you say prayers for Mom, so that she may have a peaceful transition.

Much love to all.

Faithfully,

Corey

P.S.

We have a Filipino caretaker named Aloma who is helping us these days.  Aloma is great with Mom and is extremely nurturing, just like Mom.  Yesterday Aloma asked Michelle, "is your Mom Asian?"  Michelle, a bit confused, replied "no, we're not Asian, we're white."  Aloma responded, "oh, you Mom is so beautiful, I thought she was Chinese."

Well, I certainly agree that Mom is beautiful, but those of you who know me will understand why this exchange tickled me on several levels.

A Dinner Party

To all the FoMmies out there, I send you greetings...

Mom has been sleeping a lot lately.  Her appetite has waned a bit, but she managed to eat a bit yesterday.  Cheerios with banana remains her favorite breakfast meal and she has very small snacks at other times.  However, last night we decided to shake things up a bit and decided to host a dinner party.

The party was a small, dignified affair.  In attendance were Russell (Mom's BFF), Michelle (who has been promoted to 1B), YFC and the guest of honor was none other than Mom herself.  It's been a while since we all sat down to a nice meal together, so the party was a welcome respite to the hectic pace that we've been keeping.  

The soiree was held in Mom's bedroom, which was tastefully decorated for the occasion.  The attendees all wore their Sunday's finest (actually, I suppose that term isn't really apropos, but you get the gist of it) and dined on a meal consisting of braised short ribs with vegetables in a tomato reduction sauce (a YFC specialty) and spinach sauteed with garlic and lemon.  The wine was a 2000 Napa Valley Silver Oak (courtesy of Uncle Rusty's cellar), which proved a lovely pairing with the richly flavored beef.  Mom was rather entertained and it will come as no surprise to those that know her that she reveled in being the center of attention.

Of course, Mom deserves nothing less.

The stream of well-wishers continues, though the pattern has changed just a bit as more people are coming in the early evening (post-work) hours.  A little birdie told me that some of the folks who came by from out of town will be making a return appearance next weekend.  It's hard to say enough good things about our friends and family -- they've truly been heaven sent.

Michelle and I are praying that Mom has a peaceful transition (Dr. Mellott said that Mom would most likely go in her sleep and without pain).  This has obviously been incredibly difficult, but we know that Mom loved us more than anything and that she will forever remain in our hearts.

Much love to all...

Faithfully,

Corey

A Busy Weekend

Greetings to the FoMmie Nation,

Last weekend was, well, busy.  Of course, the weekend only ended a few hours ago, but concepts such as time and sleep seem pretty foreign these days.  Actually, that's not entirely true, Mom has been sleeping fairly comfortably, especially yesterday.  I imagine that she probably slept for 22 hours yesterday, though she did wake-up to have short visits with the many people who came by the house to say hello.

And I suppose that's where the busy comes in -- Mom has had so many people stopping by that, at times, it's seemed a lot like Grand Central Station around here.  Still, it's been far more manageable than it was at the hospital.  It's really heartwarming to see so many people stopping by because they love Mom so much.  And even though she lacks physical strength, Mom still manages to give a smile and a kiss to all those who have come to visit.

There were a lot of tears shed over the weekend and we said goodbye to the many people who came from out-of-town to spend time with Mom and to provide help to all of us.  Our family and friends have done so much; we truly could not have survived without them.

It's strange being in a quiet house right now.  It doesn't seem quite right, but then again, this entire journey has often seemed surreal.  Still, Mom is resting comfortably now and I know that, before long, another stream of people will come through the doors to her house.  It's readily apparent that Mom has had a great impact on so many people of all different backgrounds.  I've always loved and respected Mom, but I've never been more proud to be her son.

Please keep Mom in your prayers.

Much love to all...

Faithfully,

Corey

Mom at Home

Dearest FoMmies,

Mom has been at home for a little over two days now.  She is doing a bit better in familiar environs, though it took her a bit to fully process the change.  Mom has had many visitors, though it's far more manageable here than it was at the hospital because we can close off the door to her room and people can mingle in the living room area.  Mom has 24/7 care right now -- an aide who can help her get comfortable and look after many of her needs.  We've also been visited by nurses that are provided by the hospice and they have been very helpful too.  Of course, Michelle and I also help look after Mom and we are concentrating our efforts on ensuring that she is as comfortable as possible.  

I would be remiss if I didn't mention a few people by name.  Ting, Michelle's best friend, has been like a second daughter to Mom.  She has been incredibly helpful around the house and helping with Mom's care.  Ting's daughter Zoe has brought Mom great joy.  Michelle is Zoe's Godmother and she knows Mom as Shanti, her Fairy Godmother.  Ting's extended family visited Mom in the hospital too -- the Lien's are very special people.

Kim had been a blessing for me.  She has attended to my needs before I even knew that I had needs.  She's also been great with Mom.  Just tonight, she and her husband Nathan made a special trip to Chinatown to get Mom the bulgogi (Korean meat) that she was craving -- no mean feat either, when dealing with July 4th traffic.  Mom really enjoyed the bulgogi, which just goes to show that, even in times of difficulty, the Pawlow appetite will not fail.

Many others have helped too:  Margot, Maria and Wendy from Florida: John, who made 2 trips from Phoenix in a span of less than a week, and Anna Claudia, who changes her name as frequently as some people change their socks.  There have been literally scores of people who have been helping out -- it's really been a fantastic thing to witness.

And I suppose that's one of the silver linings to this whole ordeal, that so many people have come together to show their love for Mom and to be there for our family.  It's really been quite tremendous to see so many people showering us with so much love and affection.  We are truly blessed.

I will try to send another update soon.  On behalf of Mom and our entire family, we thank you for your kindness and your prayers.

Until next time...

Faithfully,

Corey

A Very Big Day

Greetings FoMmies,

Once again, the title of the posting should give you a clue -- today is a VERY BIG DAY.

Mom had a Pleurx Catheter inserted in her belly.  The catheter is essentially a tube that allows Mom to remove the liquid that's been collecting on her belly without going to the hospital.  The procedure itself was relatively quick and painless.  Moreover, Yours Truly learned how to do the draining, so in case I need to step in there won't be any problem.  But though the catheter is a big deal, it's still not the REALLY BIG NEWS.

The big news is that MOM CAME HOME TODAY!  She is in a home hospice program that is focused on making her comfortable.  We set-up her bedroom with a hospital bed and an oxygen machine so that Mom could be cared for at home.  Still,  getting her home was not an altogether easy feat and many people helped to make the transition.  Special thanks to Kim, John, Margot, Maria, Ting, Honey and Uncle Phil for helping with the process.

I understand that many of you will want to call and/or visit Mom.  If possible, please e-mail before you come by so that we can limit the number of visitors who show-up at any given time.  Also, in general try to keep your visits upbeat, as we'd like for Mom to have as many happy moments as possible.  Finally, please be mindful that Mom is not doing well; accordingly, we are trying to limit visits to 20 minutes each with no more than 2 visitors in Mom's room at any given time.

Thank you for your understanding, your support, and most importantly, for your prayers.

Be well...

Faithfully,

Corey

Is it July Already? -- An Update

Greetings FoMmies,

I regret to inform you that we've had a few setbacks.

We thought that Mom would be home by now, but that hasn't happened.  When Mom was admitted, she was told that she'd probably by in for "a couple of days."  On Thursday they were ready to discharge her, but that didn't happen.  They also told her she'd be going home Friday, Saturday and Sunday.  Needless to say, she was getting pretty antsy to leave the hospital.

Yesterday, after being disappointed (again) about the fact that she wasn't going home, I started to work with the medical team to attempt to arrange a transfer to Prentice Women's Hospital, a considerably nicer facility.  This process started at approximately 7:00 a.m. and we probably consulted about a half-a-dozen doctors and an equal number of nurses/social workers/others.  At 5:00 p.m. we were told that 3 beds opened up, that she was #1 on the list and that we were just waiting for the rooms to be cleaned.  I offered to clean the rooms myself -- after all, Mom was asking me when the transfer was going to go through approximately every 30 minutes or so.  They didn't take me up on my offer and around 9:00 p.m. Mom was told that there would be no more transfers for the evening.

Suffice it to say, Mom was not pleased.  Mom rightly felt that she had been lied to.  However, we continued to work at getting a transfer and at 9:40 p.m., we got the good news -- Mom was going to get a room at Prentice.  I hugged the nurse and the doctor who relayed the information (and would have kissed them both, but thought better of it) and we went to tell Mom, who expressed a great deal of relief.  Just after 10:15 p.m., they came to transport Mom to her new room and she, and her entourage of 7, were on our way.

The new room at Prentice is significantly nicer, but Mom wants to go home.  She will have a tube inserted in her belly so that she can drain the fluid that's been collecting without having to go to the hospital.  We hope that she'll be able to be discharged tomorrow.  However, we're not really sure whether we'll be able to care for her at home, even if we get the assistance of a full-time (24/7) home healthcare aide.  All the same, a hospital bed will be delivered to Mom's home in just a few minutes.  We want to be ready, no matter the direction we choose to go.

As you might well imagine, we are running on fumes here, but we have more support that can be imagined.  Mom's friends have come from far and wide (WI, OH, IN, AZ, NV, FL, etc.) and they have been tremendous in providing us with help and moral support.  

Special thanks to the FoMmie Nation for all of your support and prayers that you have provided to us.  Please keep Mom in your prayers and know that she loves all of you so very much.  As much as this is a difficult time for our family, we take solace in knowing that Mom has so many people that care for her so much.  We are humbled by your outpouring of love and affection.

Be well...

Faithfully,

Corey