It's been a while...

Greetings Loyal Readers,

Well, as always, the title says it all. It's been a while since we last got together, so I figure that an update, of sorts, is in order.

Michelle and I were so busy in Mom's final days and the days that followed, that it was as if time collapsed onto itself. Days blended into one another with little distinction. It was pretty hard resuming a routine that had any semblance of normality. Instead, we were busy trying to attend to the many tasks which needed to be handled in the aftermath of Mom's passing. Many friends and family rushed to our aid, which made a terrible process just a little more bearable.

It still doesn't seem like things are quite real and I'm not really sure that I want things to sink in. Being in a state of semi-denial has its advantages, I suppose. Given the reality of the situation, I think its a safer place to be right now.

These days, the hardest time for me is when I'm praying. In the Jewish tradition, mourners are supposed to say a prayer called the "Mourners' Kadish" every day for eleven months minus a day (I have no idea why it lasts for such a seemingly odd amount of time, but my Cousinie Scott, the über Jew confirmed it). I often have a difficult time getting through the prayer, despite its brevity. Still, I say the prayer faithfully every day, sometimes more when I'm thinking a lot about Mom.

Actually I thought about Mom a lot over the weekend, which I spent in Cleveland, Ohio (the 33rd largest city in the U.S. in case you're wonderin') visiting my friends Kim and Nathan. Kim, who celebrated her birthday on Sunday, ran/biked in a charity biathalon and raised over $3,200 for a Jewish social services agency in Mom's name. I was extremely proud of Kim and I know that Mom would have been too.

Many thanks to those of you who sent photographs of Mom. It means far more than I can express. Our family is also deeply appreciative for everyone's support in what continues to be a difficult time.

Faithfully,
Corey

P.S.
I recently received the remarks spoken by Rachel Rosenberg, who officiated Mom's funeral service. I've pasted them below.

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Our rabbis teach us, that when a parent who has taught her children passes on, that passing is not a death. As long as the children live, there is a part of the parent that cannot die. When alive, a parent rejoices with children; in death, that parent will not grieve.

This is the case, I believe, with Sharon Novick. During her lifetime, although it was cut short by her illness, she was able to teach her children, extended family, and many, many friends, so many valuable lessons – above all, to live each day to its fullest and to love life. As we share some memories of this remarkable woman,

We extend to all of you our sympathy and support, especially to you -

Her children, Michelle and Corey
To Roberta and Marc
Aaron and Haley
Judy, Larry, Zack and Jake
To her mom, Beverly
To Russell
To Ting
and to all of her family and many friends

Sharon’s mom Beverly said “There are not enough adjectives to describe her.” But I thought I’d share just a few of the phrases that you, her family, used to describe Sharon and I know that everyone here will relate to these words that describe this remarkable woman:

• Extremely generous to everyone she knew
• Always giving, always thinking of others over herself
• Intuitive about other people’s needs/
• Taking ACTION to address other people’s needs
• Never complaining
• Humble
• Accepting of others of all ages, backgrounds, and orientations
• Sweet, kind, warm
• Nurturing
• A second mother
• A Jewish mother
• Always reaching out to help you – and your friends - and the friends of your friends
• Respectful
• Always teaching
• Always learning
• Artistic
• Spiritual
• Strong
• A fighter
• One in a million

That Sharon gave so much of herself to others, to all of you, has been especially evident over the last several weeks and months with the tremendous outpouring of love and support she constantly received from so many people, from her family and friends, from her building’s doorman to the waitress from the restaurant – so many dozens of caring individuals -- that her doctors were constantly saying she had too many visitors and needed to rest. The blog that Corey lovingly has maintained was read by so many, and these last few weeks have truly been a tribute to her as family, friends, neighbors, and people from all over have flocked to be with her.

Sharon grew up on the North Side of Chicago, went to Senn High School and the University of Illinois. She was married to Ivan for 14 years and together they had their children, Michelle and Corey.

Some of you may not know that when Sharon was only sixteen, she had her first bout with cancer. She needed surgery and was given a 5% chance for survival. She was strong then as she continued to be her entire life. Perhaps this experience can partially explain how much Sharon appreciated her life each and every day, and put so much care and nurturing into her relationships with others.

Sharon was constantly reaching out to people, forming relationships with whomever she met. On Kim’s first day of work when HR forgot that she was starting, Sharon took her under her wing and they became fast friends. When a new neighbor would move into her building, Sharon would send cookies. She would throw parties for the people who worked at Treasure Island to show her appreciation. She helped Aaron cope with the loss of his eyesight helping him to become self-sufficient. She accompanied Roberta to the California Health Institute to help her heal from her cancer. She would take food to a sick neighbor or take the initiative to accompany them to the doctor even if they wouldn’t ask. She would always go out of her way to say thank you as she did with her nurse in the hospital. She would hold her nurse’s hand, say thank you, smile, want to give HER food. Corey said that his mom’s true character emerged when she was ill – she became even more sweet, kind and generous.

To show how truly special Sharon is to so many people, her cousin Scott wrote these words on behalf of those who knew and loved her:

We always knew we were Sharon’s favorite anything – child, parent, sibling, niece, cousin, friend, acquaintance…. Not to be conceited but because every time you saw her or spoke to her she made you feel this way. I humbly acknowledge that she did that with everyone. I am sure that looking at the people here today that they all think they were Sharon’s favorite -- and we all know she was ours.

Sharon is an inspiration for all who knew her. She never had an attitude of “woe is me.” She fought her cancer head-on with courage and dignity, never really complaining. She always talked about how other people were doing with their lives or illnesses, not wanting to be consumed by hers.

Corey and Michelle were not only her pride and joy but her rock these past 14 months. They could not do enough for her, not out of obligation, but out of love and devotion.

Sharon formed a truly special relationship over the past six years. Zoe was her godchild, and Sharon was Zoe’s fairy godmother. (Zoe’s mother Ting is here today.) Zoe would call Sharon “Shanti,” and other children would also refer to her this way –

As “Shanti” meaning Peace. Sharon would constantly send Zoe mail and packages after she moved away to Reno. When Sharon would ask Zoe if she liked Chicago or Reno better, 6-year old Zoe answered, “Shanti, you live in Chicago, so of course Chicago is my favorite.” Children loved being with her and were another example of Sharon’s intuitive ability to relate to others of all ages and meet them at their level.

Everyone who knew Sharon knows how very spiritual she was and how she shared her spirit with those around her. She expressed herself spiritually through the combination of both yoga and Torah, and also through her art as she loved to paint. She was ordained as a swami several years ago and also began to study Judaism in earnest over the last few years, gaining insight from the teachings of Rebetzin Yungreis and Rabbi Twersky and with her study partner from the “Partners in Torah” program. When Sharon was diagnosed this time with cancer, while she fought it with her characteristic strength and courage, she also said “Baruch Hashem” blessing God no matter what. She would regularly light Shabbat candles, kept kosher, and would say “Modeh Ani” each morning, thanking God for the gift of each new day.

Corey and Michelle described how their mom worked hard to discover herself after she divorced, and how over time she became comfortable with who she was, finding ways to be at peace with herself and with her place in the world. During her last days in hospice, she was especially full of grace and beauty. She had a loving and peaceful transition because of who she was, wrapped in the prayer shawl from her guru and in and her father’s tallis, and being at peace in her children’s arms. When asked if she was afraid, she answered – “of course not – I’m going to dance with God.” And so, at the end, she asked to remain barefoot for that reason.

There are a few people who would like to share their memories of Sharon – first her cousin, Toby, and then her children, Corey and Michelle.

Toby
Michelle
Corey

So – although we so wish that we had more time on this earth with Sharon, hers was a full life that gave so much to those who loved her. Her memory lives on through all of you – her friends, her family, her children. She lives on through the many wise lessons she has taught us through her words and by her example:

- to live life and to love life as fully as possible
- to be real, to be genuine
- To be generous with your time and with your love
- To drink your MILK – m-i-l-k, MILK
- To know it’s ok to make mistakes – it’s ok to be human - Learn to fall, Learn to get back up.
- Make peace. Rise above the fray.
- If you’re not happy with your situation, change it. If you can’t change your situation, change your attitude.
- Believe in yourself.
- Don’t talk, Do.
- Be strong.
- Say thank you.
- Don’t wait for someone to bring you flowers – plant your own garden.
- Know that no act of kindness is ever wasted.
- Share the unconditional love that she shared with each of you

I’d like to share this poem that seems to reflect Sharon’s beautiful spirit and marvelous attitude. It’s called:

“Do not stand at my grave and weep.”

Do not stand at my grave and weep;
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning’s hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft starts that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there. I did not die.